GORUCK Selection 019 AAR

First off I will be remiss if I did not thank everyone who has been there for me since the day I made the decision to begin this adventure. Thank you for everyone who has supported and been there for me on this journey to get to this point I am today. Unfortunately, my time in the event has ended but, I believe, there remains strong participants in the fight so far. I am not beating myself over this because I know I did not compromise myself at all at any point since I started. I felt I put my best self out there, which I believe has been a remarkable self-accomplishment since I started this journey. When I started training I was running at a 13 min mile, which for me, at the time, was pretty good, but I knew to be competitive I need to drop my time to under 8 minutes to be competitive. So, I pushed past everything inside me, committing out loud (Mark my words) that I will run a 7 min mile. Unfortunately, I wasn’t fast enough to make the time requirement for the event. I missed the cut by just under 5 minutes, but looking back I am not sad at all because several months ago I was running a 13 min mile and years before that I couldn’t even walk. I really appreciate the love and support of everyone and will still be there for the remaining event as a spectator.

Now for the After Action Report:

The date is September 21st 2017. In my mind, I felt as if GORUCK Selection was no different than someone waking up on their wedding day. I remember taking 10 milligrams of Ambien the night before and listening to, “Brainwaves for Sports & Athletes,” while I waited for the Ambien to kick in.

I remember I dreamt of myself swimming and each lap I felt myself growing more determined. I felt my body nudging further and further as if I was an inch worn in the dirt hoping to get a few more inches each push. I knew my confidence was solidifying. I felt my body and mind falling into sync.

I remember placing a wake up call with the front desk for 0645 and also setting my alarm to gently wake me up at 0650.

The moment those alarms cascaded against one another and my eyes opened, I took a breath and let out a deep exhale knowing it was time. You see I wasn’t the kind of person to take anything to chance. I put together an agenda for myself so that I didn’t have to waste energy worrying about any logistics on game day.

As soon as I finished exhaling I knew that mental switch inside me had gone off and it was time to set things into motion. I followed my schedule like a well-oiled robot putting 100% faith in the plan knowing it was laid out for me by me. I ate the meals I designed for myself to eat, because those were the same meals I ate in training. One thing I remembered that was seared into my mind is that you train as you fight. Train the same way as if it was the real thing. Follow your same routines and above all do not change anything on game day.

0830. I did my final inventory of my gear as I packed my ruck. I wanted to see everything going into my ruck on the morning of the event to know that I was not forgetting any items and that I followed protocols. I remember eons ago when I was an Electricians Mate on a submarine, conducting preventative maintenance on equipment, that the one thing we always done relentlessly was follow the maintenance card no matter how many times you have done the routine in the past and had the steps seared into your memory.

(Note: I only used those plastic storage bags to contain all my items during transport from Georgia to Florida but once I got to the hotel all those items were removed from the plastic storage bags prior being packed inside my ruck.)

The packing list was my new maintenance card and packing my ruck was my new assignment. I wasn’t leaving anything to chance. I was in my own head space and followed protocols in how I was trained. So, I went down the list and packed my ruck line for line, making sure I covered every detail on the packing list one last time. I prepared my body with all the lubricants I used in training and laced up my shoes for the last time.

0930. I began my trip to the Selection start point knowing I would be getting there super early. I wanted to recon parking locations but also plant myself in a location that allowed me access to the restrooms while I settled into my pre-event routine. Luckily, I was able to park in the small parking lot directly behind GORUCK headquarters.

On my way to the start point I mixed myself a bottle of water mixed with Beetelite and finished drinking my second liter of water since waking up that morning. I wanted to drink at least 3 liters of water before starting to begin well hydrated because I knew from checking the morning weather report that the temperature and humidity was higher that I had anticipated.

While at the start point I collected my thoughts and mentally reviewed every thing in my possession to make sure I had covered all my bases. Gear… check, body lubed… check, ate and drank as planned… check, took all my vitamins and supplements as planned… check check. I got out of the car and fell into the pack introducing myself to the other participants also waiting for the event to begin. The whole while I was in caution mode constantly screening my environment with heighten awareness on where I was standing and where the cadres were at and what they were doing. I carefully laid my ruck down just outside the driveway area of operations with my straps extended and out so I could quickly ruck-up on demand. I filled out the medical questionnaire taking note of the questions and for the first time felt a blanket of nerves cast over me; Fuck it!

If you know me, you know that if you ever ask me about my health I would only give you two answers. “I am ok,” or “I’ll make it work.” I knew I didn’t have the luxury to worry about that kind of stuff so I quickly stacked my sheet between my MRE and food pouch adjacent to my ruck also carefully placed so I could quickly snatch the bundle up without having to fumble with grabbing the paper of the ground directly.

12:00. Medical check time. The next thing we heard was orders for us to start coming up to the table one at a time in the order we arrived with our medical sheets and rucks. I was ready for this. I knew I wasn’t first but I decided I would be second because I wasn’t going to be last nor part of gaggle that was in the line of fire for any silly infractions as not standing in the right place. So as soon as the cadre said next I quickly rucked-up and moved to the table. We went down to sheet making sure I was physically capable of performing in the event. I remember not making eye contact but just acknowledging that I was in excellent health to participate in the event. That was that. Then I was instructed to step to the weighing station where I was then instructed to hook my ruck on the hanging weight and take two steps back. I knew my ruck weighted exactly 46 lbs because while we were all milling about relaxing before the med check I snuck over to the weight station and checked my weight to confirm I was in standards. Once I was all weighed in I was instructed to head over to the field behind HQ and line up according to the instructions given to me by BD. I lined up, filled out another sheet, and waited watching other participants file in one at a time. I think 20 or 30 minutes when by before I realized I was thirsty but didn’t have any water, so I did what was right and grabbed my source bladder, jogged over to the alley next to HQ, and filled my bladder from the water hose. I later realized as I noticed people starting following suit that I needed to fill my Nalgene bottle too. I think I drank almost a full bottle before refilling again before we got started.

1300. Sharks strolled up in a pack of black shirts.

I was still in game mode when I knew the mind games would begin. I remembered one thing. Be invisible. So, I carefully listened to the instructions they gave and made sure to follow them right and fast on the first try.

We suffered through roll call and then began the gear check. No matter how many times you planned, it is what it is. I did not plan to have my MRE packed in my ruck so I knew I was starting off with a tight bag. DUMP YOUR RUCK!..... YOU HAVE 15 SECONDS TO REPACK YOUR RUCK!... TOO SLOW!... DUMP YOUR RUCK! That went on for about 3 or 4 times before I realized that if you were lucky enough to successfully pack your ruck in the time frame then you didn’t have to repeat the drill. I knew that everything in my ruck was expendable. I walked into Selection with the mindset that everything in my ruck will be damaged and destroyed and if it wasn’t then that was a positive outcome but I didn’t expect that so I knew I could get rough with my stuff and that’s what I needed to do to make the time hack. So the next time we dumped our rucked I knew that as soon as he said GO that I would just ram everything inside no matter if I broke or ripped items which, btw, I ended up ripping my t-shirt since it was snagged on my zipper when I was struggling to close my ruck. That time I made the 15 second time. All I knew was that I wasn’t last and I wasn’t part of those few that got special attention for consistently failing to meet the 15 seconds time limit. I was ordered to move to the back and join the rest of the rosters who has also successfully completed the evolution. We had to keep our Nalgene bottles out in our hands while we held fast. While I watched as the rest of the rosters repeat the drill I drank.

Soon after, we somehow all made it through that part of Selection, I remember Jason giving us the straight up talk about the event. I felt myself still very cautious about what to expect next since I suspected we weren’t doing the PT phase of the event in the parking lot. When it was time, we were ordered into two columns beginning our quick pace ruck to the beach. I don’t know what it was but for some reason that ruck felt as if I was running. Cadre told us to stay within one arm’s length from the person in front of us so I knew I wasn’t going to be that guy to fuck that up so early into the event. When we got to the beach we had orders to fall into formation facing away from the staged testing area after we were given instructions on how to properly execute both a push-up and sit-up to standard. We started with push-ups. Easy day. Then sit-ups.

For some reason I thought the minimum was 55 for the sit-ups. I couldn’t believe I missed the sit-ups by one on purpose. I knew when cadre Cody asked me “why did I stop,” that I fucked up. Luckily I was given a re-test and I was able to redeem myself. Following the sit-ups we were all called to separate areas where I knew when I was called I made the cut to proceed onto to the 5 mile run portion of the event.

“You have 5 mins before we will begin!” For some reason, I came to selection prepared to pee myself thinking that bathroom breaks were a luxury we probably would not get. I figured we would have to fend for ourselves. I guess if I had to do this again I would have stayed behind and not made the dash to the restroom during our 5 minute downtime. When I ran back the next thing I heard was,… “Any questions?... Ready… Begin!” Then we took off. FUCK! I had no idea where the turnaround point was so I figured I would just follow the pack. Turns out everyone was way faster than me.

This is the part of the story where you may expect that I have excuses for missing the mark. I remember as I ran the one thing I repeated to myself was that this is the mission right now and nothing else mattered but now. So, I forgot about where I started and didn’t care about where I was going. I settled into my gate because that was the pace my body was prepared for. I'm not going to lie, I’m not a fan of running because it is not easy for me. Every time I step out to run I pay for it the next day, but in that moment I didn’t even think about that. For me I decided to remember how I trained and just do it the same way. Long story short, I missed the cut off by just under 5 minutes.

So, this is the part where I figure I give you my advice and lessons I learned so far. This is where I give you my opinions on what I would do different and what I believed worked or didn’t work overall. Honestly my biggest advice is for you to train as you plan to fight. You should be performing exactly the same over and over again months before game day in training as you expect to perform during the event. In fact, you need to be better than expected. If the minimum is 55, train to be 20% better or more. Run faster than you are expect in training until it feels like second nature. But the second hidden advice I would give is that this is more than just an event that lasts 48 hours. I believe it is a journey of self-discovery. You are the only one who knows who you are and where you are coming from. Not every training plan will work for everyone. So, discover yourself, believe that you have what it takes to make it work, and sacrifice the time and energy to begin YOUR journey. Train harder so that game day is easier than training for you. Remember that life is filled with disruptions and will never turn out as planned, but if you know what your purpose is then you can always make it work. Never give up on what you believe is right. - Strike