Who am I?

It is ok to be human.

When you strip away everything happening in your life, and take your decisions back down to the basics of survival, you will see that everything you remember and react to in life, stems from your core moral upbringings. Gandhi once said, “Morality is the basis of things and truth is the substance of all morality.” When you have nothing else, then what you know is what you know, because it is how you were designed to operate.

So, it is ok to be human. Everyone is not created equal. Have you ever set events into motion and had dreams that you never saw come to reality because you talked yourself out of them? Have you ever wanted to be that person that lived in that life you felt you needed because in another universe that was your calling? Have you ever wanted to be accepted, go further, do more, and be the best you can be because you know it is what you were meant to be? We all have aspirations that make us forget for a brief moment the realities of life. But then we are human.

So, if you didn’t think any of your dreams were possible, you need to stop and listen to who you truly are. Remember your moral core values and let that resonate through you like a fine-tuned frequency, emanating through every part of your body until you can feel your emotions tear up. Then you will know, without a shadow of a doubt, that these tears are real and nothing else matters but what is right.

I bet you are wondering, what the hell am I talking about?

We are all human. Accept that! So, live vicariously through me and see me through my eyes. Feel my life so that you will understand what I am telling you without having to tell you.

I am not the fastest person in the world. I am not the strongest. I am not the smartest, nor am I the best in what I do. I am not popular. I do not know a lot a people and a lot of people don’t even know I exist. I am not the best looking. I don’t have a lot of money. I don’t have enough time in the day to do everything that I want. I fail at what I do, usually more than once. I am human because I am me.

I was born small. I didn’t have many friends growing up because I lived a very introverted life. I was the guy my mom forbade to go outside to play baseball, with the kids in the lot next to the house, because I did not get an A on my homework the night before. I grew up with strict parents who didn’t have enough money to do much of anything, had too many bills, and stayed home eating just about the same meals every night. Most of my clothes, I got, where hand me downs from our church thrift store. To me, those were considered my “New” clothes first day of school. I got picked on a lot and even got into fights. I been knocked unconscious once; and fought for my life in a gang riot that spawned after the Rodney King LA Riots. I was just that kid that none of the popular kids played with or knew existed so I never got those opportunities that other kids had gotten. When the time came, I enlisted in the Navy at 17 at 125 lbs. My uncle asked me why not go to the Naval Academy because he knew Senator Rice would give me an appointment? I told him that I wanted something that was mine and I needed to earn. Life was pretty much what it was for a young enlisted guy qualifying and learning all new things. My story is the same. Long hours studying new crafts, lots of physical training, and the start of less than 6 hours of sleep a night. My first B school was tough. I lost qualifications because I failed several knowledge spot checks, so I restarted from scratch. I studied and re-qualified. I failed my first board because I violated safety protocols during a mass casualty scenario and was forced to restart training from day 1 again. I went through the program and passed. When I made it to the fleet, I studied hard and earned every qualification and advancement they presented to me. Eventually I decided, once I reached the peak of my enlisted career, that it was time to take on new responsibilities. I requested permission to apply for an appointment in an Officer Accession Program and my captain approved it. It was back to ground one for me, humbling myself to serve again. School was tough. When it came time to take the college placement exams I took them 5 times to make high enough scores to get accepted into the school I wanted. In college, I did my best and remembered to work hard, accept my outcomes, and if I needed to try harder I did. I repeated that over and over and over again until I got what I wanted. In my senior year, I was paired with a group to engineer a project that would encompass all the knowledge we learned at the college of engineering. The original plan was to enter into the robot design competition and engineer a robot that would win the competition. After proposing, a radical never been done before idea that I believed would adequately show case our knowledge and also win the competition, I was ousted from the team for not agreeing on the voted course of action. I was told it was better for everyone that I do the competition on my own. This way they knew they would pass playing it safe and if I fail I would fail alone. So, I left and began days, weeks, and months of design. I remember sleeping 2 hours here and there and going back to my whiteboard to remap my thoughts. Time and time again I remember scrapping methods that didn’t work. Hours wasted opt-testing programming that didn’t work. I would scratch the design and start again as if I didn’t have a day to waste. It took me weeks before I remember waking up one morning at my keyboard and running my program watching it come alive. Fast forward… I got a call from my captain asking if I wanted to come study at the Naval Post-Graduate School in Monterey California. I didn’t know if that was a joke because I was only a midshipman with this 0-6 was calling me, on my cell phone, asking if I wanted to go to grad school without filling out a single application. Naturally I said yes and several weeks later I was on a plane to Monterey where I spent my life in books and in laboratories studying Signal Processing and Applied Science for the Navy’s Mind Warfare department. I redesigned my program using eigenvalue derivatives based on missile guidance triangulation theory and swarm logic protocols. I forgot to mention that somewhere between starting college and the senior design project I flew to Washington DC to Naval Reactors to interview with Admiral Donald for acceptance into the Nuc Power program. The admiral rejected my package. So that was the end of my vision to keep my carrier in submarines. Ok, fast forward again, I made it back to the fleet doing God’s work. Served 15 years before being forced out due to a life threatening injury. I was given all the congressional apologies and will be remiss if I did not thank the wonderful staff at the Naval Hospital in both Jacksonville and Portsmouth Virginia for everything. I spent the next year through a roller coaster of emotions. I got my shit together, rehabilitated myself back into fighting strength, learned to walk again and discovered a new purpose for my life. So, even to this day when I work long hours and aim for ridiculous commitments, someone asked me the basic question on why I do all of this when most people go home when it’s time to go home, and sleep when it’s time to sleep. The answer is simple. I do the right thing to get the job done because that is what I fight to do. It is how I have lived my life and it is how I will continue to live. You will always fail. Get over it. Just don’t let that stop you from getting back in the game and trying again and again and again until you get what you want or life gives you new-purpose. Be fearless in a world of uncontrollable variables. Be the kind of person that is alive. Be human!